Spring Cleaning

I don’t want to look at a calendar. I don’t want to know the number of days I have left in Asia. For now, let me take a breath of warm air: a reprieve polluted by the understanding that I only have three exams to write and that I will leave this makeshift, second life soon after.

Is that what this has been? I’ve thought a lot about it. While I was a tourist in Italy, the same cannot be said of me in Macau. I’ve lived another life here, surreal as it’s been. Soon, I will return to a world full of triggers that once controlled me: hometown slothfulness, a compulsiveness to run, an incessant desire to read.  How will the person I’ve become – the one with months of new experiences – adjust to the confines of my old life? Are the habits that I’ve created a part of me now, or are they temporarily covering for those that weren’t transferable to a life of globetrotting?

From my new life: What of my writing, sense of freedom, girlfriend?

From my old one: What of my friendships, ambitions, research?

Spring is a time to dust off the shelves of your mind – to consolidate mental photographs and relieve yourself of stagnation. This year, it is especially true for me returning to Canada and those of my friends who are starting a new life after university.

Some would say that the world is smaller thanks to the internet. And those hunting for jobs have realized how restrictive and competitive it is out there. But for me, I have come to believe that the world is larger and more accessible that it once was. Either way, it is a question for us to ask: Now where do we fit in?